Highfields Church of Christ

A Welcoming Place

Family Life

Be Curious

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I read this blog post recently called Be Curious which has led to me being curious when it comes to helping my kids on their faith journey. Not only my kids but those who come to me seeking advice. Making me relook at the way I pastor the Church I have the privilege of leading. This curiosity has led to a wonderful time of reflection with God. That is why I am posting it here on our website to allow you to join me in being curious when it comes to supporting others in their faith journey. I pray you read this blog post and are blessed by it as you journey with God in your life.

Sincerely,

Pastor Matt George

SARAH BRAGG
Host of Surviving Sarah Podcast | Author of A Mother’s Guide to Raising Herself | Helping people survive right where they ar

One of the areas in parenting where fear fights curiosity the most is in regard to faith. I remember correcting six-year-old Sinclair for something she’d done wrong, but it felt all wobbly. It felt like I was trying to force a square peg into a round hole. As I explained to Sinclair that she needed to ask forgiveness from me for her wrong action, I also told her she needed to ask forgiveness from God. As someone who grew up evangelical, I had it drilled into me that no matter what “wrong” I’ve done, I must ask forgiveness from God. This logic never felt wonky to me until I looked into the face of my little girl. And even though it felt wonky, being the good Christian girl I was, I kept moving forward. Fear was yelling at me from the backseat, If you don’t get her to see her need for Jesus, she is screwed for eternity!

That’s when my husband, Scott stepped in, brave enough to interrupt me and say he didn’t think we were going about this well. He stepped forward in the thick of vulnerability and uncertainty. At the risk of making me upset, he spoke up. And he was right. Sinclair could barely comprehend how her offense was wrong toward another person, let alone toward a God she couldn’t see. So right then and there, we looked at fear and reminded it to sit quietly in the backseat. It’s scary to do something different from how you were taught and how everyone around you is doing it. But we were curious. We wondered, What difference would it make in our girls’ lives if they didn’t grow up fearing their actions, fearing that God was watching, feeling disappointed, and waiting for an apology?

So we made a choice about faith and our kids. We stopped pointing out their needs for a Savior—a remedy for their sinfulness. We focused more on loving yourself and loving your neighbor. In moments like I described before, we focused on just making it right with the other human that they hurt. We wanted to build a faith on love instead of a faith built on your need for a Savior.

Curiosity is all about asking questions. And so I started asking questions about other parts of my faith. Curiosity allowed me to ask those questions freely. But most importantly, it allowed me to give my girls space to ask their own faith questions. Most likely because of my personality, I didn’t grow up asking questions; I grew up just accepting what I was told. But I knew I wanted my girls to live curious lives instead of lives driven by fear, especially in regard to faith, and I knew I needed to model for them how to do this.

Scott and I had experienced enough as adults to know that life was far less clear and certain than we’d grown up believing. And after raising our girls for a while, we knew they both had a kid’s natural ability to see life from different perspectives. We didn’t want them to lose that.

We thought about how to help them build a faith of their own. To do that, we wanted them to become women who can ask questions and think critically to determine what and why they believe something. When they were little, we said things like, “God loves you,” and “God made you,” but we avoided certain Bible stories that could lead to fear or cause confusion about God’s love. Then, as they grew, we leaned into their natural curiosity—their developmental wiring to think like engineers and scientists. This may not be for everyone, but we stopped giving certain answers about faith to their curious questions. Instead, we replaced answers with questions like, “People believe a lot of different things. What do you think?” We want them to figure out for themselves what they believe so that they can develop a faith of their own—not just a neatly packaged faith that was handed to them. 

We all know that there is nothing “neat” about life. Life is often messy and more gray than we imagined as children. We want our girls to hold space for the unknown. To ask questions. To be curious. To wonder.

We tend to think that the opposite of faith is doubt, but the opposite of faith is certainty. Faith in its essence requires an ability to sit in the unknown—in what we cannot see. 

Raising my girls has highlighted the uncertainty of life. It has highlighted all the things I didn’t know, all the things I couldn’t understand, and all the things that didn’t have a clear answer. But instead of decreasing my faith, it increased my faith—my ability to believe in what I cannot see and embrace the uncertainty instead of fearing it. 

That’s what I want for my girls. I don’t want the unknown and uncertainty of life to bump up against what they always believed was certain to the point that it wrecks their faith. Instead, I want them to build their faith piece by piece through curiosity and questions. 

One of the greatest gifts we can give our kids is an open-ended response. When we respond to their questions with curiosity instead of fear, our kids find freedom. They learn that curiosity is not the enemy. We have close friends who see it differently but still guide their kids toward curiosity. They still give certain answers and encourage them to ask questions. My point is that no matter how you choose to talk about faith with your kids, the goal is the same: for them to own their own faith. And curiosity is a wonderful guide.

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Enjoyed this post from Sarah Bragg? Here’s where you can find out more!

Website: https://www.sarahbragg.com/

Book: A Mother’s Guide to Raising Herself

Podcast: Surviving Sarah

Instagram/Twitter: @sarahwbragg

How to Find Joy in the Midst of Chaos

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Blog from the Parent Cue

Our world is currently experiencing an unprecedented time. The uncertainty and unknowns are causing anxiousness and fear in everyone.

[Read more here on how to manage fear during a pandemic.]

In the midst of all the questions, it’s incredibly important to focus on our physical health and our mental health. Our thoughts often trap us in worry, anxiety, doubt and fear. Finding optimism and joy will keep you energized, loving, supportive, and capable of making the best decisions for your family as we walk the days ahead.

Joy versus happiness

We all know what it is to be happy. Happiness is focused on self and worldly pleasure. We are happy when things are going well externally. It is what’s happening to us and not in us. It’s easy, during these times, to put a smile on our faces and enjoy what life has to offer.

But what about those times when everything isn’t going right? That is when we need to find joy.

Joy is a chosen attitude throughout life’s journey and can be found no matter the external circumstances.

Practical steps to finding joy

Especially in scary moments it is important for parents to set the tone and atmosphere for the house. As Candace Payne (affectionately and popularly known as Chewbaca mom), says: “Joy is an antidote for your home. . . .  We are called to live out victorious, joyful lives every day.”

To set a joyful tone for our family, we must shift our perspective and our focus. There are times when we have to change our focus away from social media and the news to our children. Put down our phones and intently focus on what they are doing, what they are saying, and how they are acting. They sense our moods and emotions more than we realize. If we aren’t paying attention, we can easily miss what is happening within our children.

Here are some practical ways to find and spread joy in your family:

1. Practice gratitude

Days look a lot different than they did just a few week ago. That doesn’t mean we can’t reflect on the things we loved about those previous days while also being thankful for the things we love about the time we are in now.

Being able to go to the grocery store without fear is something most people will realize was (and will be) a blessing. We are now stopping all the noise long enough to appreciate the birds singing and breeze blowing. All things we would easily miss if we didn’t take the time to focus on gratitude.

Encourage your children to participate. Whether you write down what you are thankful for or if you share it with each other around the dinner table, make sure you take the time to focus on the small things and the big things.

2. Acknowledge who you are

Every person and every family is unique, and so we should identify that. What are some of the things that make your family unique? Identify some of your strengths and maybe even some positive quirks. Come up with a few points that convey what you believe to be true about you and how that relates to who God says you are.

Keep the kids involved in listing those things and develop a family motto or mission statement together. Once you agree as a family, put it on the fridge or frame it, and work on memorizing it. Make it fun!

3. Balance fun and work

Kids are out of school, parents are working from home, public places are closed, and everyone was thrown into a sudden change to find a new normal within their four walls. Creative schedules to keep your children learning and staying busy began circling the internet immediately.

Even though most kids thrive on schedule, don’t be too hard on yourself to get it all right. Find what works best for your family and your child(ren), and be generous with grace. If they end up watching more television or on their iPads than the latest research study recommends, it will be okay. Of course, education is still important, but we all need some space to enjoy life. So, err on the side of fun in this season. Play more. Laugh more. Holding on to joy and laughter as a family is what will bring us all through this challenging time.

These are uncharted waters not just for you and your family, but for the entire world. Take care of yourself mentally and physically by finding the joy in everyday life. One day (hopefully soon) we will make it through this. There will be even more joy on the other side.

How Easter Gives Us Hope In The Midst Of A Pandemic

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by Sarah Anderson found on https://theparentcue.org/how-easter-gives-us-hope-in-the-midst-of-a-pandemic/

I’ve got good news and bad news.

The bad news is: we’re in the middle of a health crisis and global pandemic that has radically restructured our normal routines and ways of life that none of us have ever had to walk through before.

The good news is: we’re all in it together. None of us have been here before—meaning we’re all learning as we go, and we-re co-journeyers in these unprecedented times.

But even in the camaraderie of knowing we are in this together, there are the questions.

  • How do we fill our days?
  • How do we get everything done that needs to get done?
  • How do we maximize family time?
  • How do we not drive each other crazy in the process?
  • How do we instill faith in our kids, while also addressing the very real fear they (and we) are facing?

Don’t overcomplicate the already complicated

As a parent of an eight and ten year old, these are the questions on repeat in my head—especially the last one. As an adult that struggles with fear and anxiety of my own, I worry about what my kids are not just picking up from the news, but from my own behaviors.

I wonder how much information is too much for them to handle. I debate over what to tell them and what to keep to myself. I find myself thinking I’m never doing it right for my kids, because it often feels like I am never doing it right for myself.

These were the things cycling around and around in my mind the past couple of weeks. Until one of the rare moments of quiet in my house—that never seems to empty of the people who live here anymore—I wondered if maybe we’re over complicating things. Not that these aren’t complicated times, but that maybe returning to the basics is the best thing we can do.

Between Christmas and Easter

As a country, the reality of COVID-19 really hit home for us in the time between Christmas and Easter. As I thought about the timing of it all, it didn’t seem insignificant. In fact, it seemed like maybe there was meaning there that would help us, as a family, as parents to young kids, navigate the fear.

When I think of Christmas, I think of the message of Immanuel—God with us. I think of the enormity of the decision God made in sending divinity to live alongside humanity. I think of the normalness Jesus was born into—the mundane features of day to day life, but also the fear and unknowing and uncertainty of day-to-day life.

The message of Christmas—33 years before Jesus died—was that God saw us and wanted to be near us. And so He came. And He stayed. And for so many people who encountered Him in the 33 years he walked the Earth, it was His presence alongside them that changed things for them.

And then, just a couple of months later, we celebrate Easter.

A time we specifically draw attention to for the celebration of the resurrection of Jesus from the dead. But tucked into the message of Easter isn’t simply the particular message of Jesus’ life after death.

What Easter is about

Easter is the message of beauty from ashes. It’s the message of the hardest things imaginable—yielding life when it seemed improbable, impossible.

It’s the idea that the worst things are never the last things. That the story isn’t over. That love wins. That good wins. That life is full of hurt and loss, of hard and uncertain, and that to feel those things and acknowledge those things isn’t weak, but necessary.

And that even then, God meets us there with a message of life and hope and newness.

In other words, in a season marked by fear and loss, of uncertainty and difficulty, there are the two most fundamental messages of Christianity to draw comfort from:

God is with us. And the story isn’t over.

Easter reminds us that God is with us

These days, as I parent my kids—and I coach myself day in day out—I keep these two messages front and center.

  • When faith shrinks in the face of fear, God is with us.
  • When loss overwhelms us, the story isn’t over.

We may be new to parenting in the time of a pandemic. But what we are feeling isn’t new to God. The messages He made sure humanity received are the messages we need more now than ever. In uncertain times, we have God’s presence. In a new normal that shows no signs of changing, we have hope that the story isn’t over, and beauty can come even from this.

Parenting in a pandemic raises a lot of questions. But it also raises to the forefront of our minds the two most foundational ideas of our faith.

When parenting our kids and wondering if we’re doing it right, we can be sure we are at least doing something right when we recenter our family’s dialogue around the things that never cease to be true, when everything else around us changes.

God is with us. And the story isn’t over.

6 Strategies for Parenting during the COVID-19 Crisis

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By Dr. Chinwé Williams and can find this article and more at Parent Cue Blog

We’re all navigating really strange and chaotic times.

Schools have closed and parents are faced with working from home while trying to assist their kids in completing assignments on unfamiliar digital platforms and in subjects that are outside of their comfort zone.

Thousands of parents are also facing employment uncertainty or job loss as the economy continues to shift downward.

These abrupt changes can feel frightening to adults, and destabilizing to children. During troubling times, such as the current COVID-19 pandemic, fear and anxiety are often amplified.

For many of us, this is a crisis. A crisis is any event that is perceived as threatening and creates an imbalance in the family routine.

Individuals cope with abrupt change differently depending on age and prior experiences. For some kids, what is happening now is perceived as a temporary disruption. While for others, this is a full-blown crisis.

Regardless of which side you’re on, below are some practical strategies that can help you navigate parenting during this current public health crisis.

1. Look for common reactions
The world as we know it seems to keep changing. For some preschoolers and elementary-aged kids, change can be very confusing and even frightening. While some kids may not appear to be impacted at all, others may be struggling to cope, but not verbalizing it.

Anxiety, sadness, and boredom are all common reactions to big changes. For younger kids, it’s helpful to monitor extreme changes in their typical behavior or indications of regression such as bed wetting, thumb sucking, or excessive clinginess.

For middle or high school teens, you might notice increased irritability, physical complaints such as stomachs or headaches, or increased withdrawal. High schoolers may feel anger and disappointment about missing milestone experiences like the spring sports season, prom, senior trips, and graduation.

Depending on the age, your child might have difficulty accessing emotional language for what he or she is experiencing. With kids of any age, you can help by validating their emotions and teaching them how to cope when emotions feel really BIG. One strategy involves pausing, taking a deep breath, and counting to three.

2. Help your child to feel safe and comforted
Whether you’re parenting a preschooler or a high school senior, creating a sense of safety is imperative during a time of crisis. Kids need routine and predictability in order to feel safe.

We are facing so much that isn’t normal, so maintaining family rules and routines is especially important. Keep regular meal and bedtimes. When helping with school assignments, encourage success by working at your child’s pace and alternating between study and play.

Set aside time with your kids to simply cuddle on the couch and watch their favorite movies. However, if they’ve grown tired of Frozen 2, museums are offering virtual field trips for families to enjoy at this time.

3. Prioritize fun
Play is valuable during uncertain times because it can fuel laughter, which generally decreases stress.

Board games offer unique cognitive health benefits, such as increased memory and problem-solving skills. Candyland and Scattergories are two favorites in my home.

Outdoor physical activities help to lower stress and calm anxious minds.

Writing is a productive way to help decrease anxiety and boost mood. Suggest journaling to your older children. If he and/or she is unclear about how to start, suggest writing about how angry, bored, or annoyed he or she feels about being stuck inside.

In fact, we all could probably benefit from that journal prompt.

4. You don’t have to know all the answers
In times of crisis, information is invaluable. It can also be overwhelming.

As information unfolds daily, there will be more questions.

Younger children may be wondering, “Is it safe to visit grandma?”

Older kids may question the logic of having to stay away from friends for an indeterminate amount of time. “Really, mom, so I really have to stay away from my friends indefinitely?”

Remain open to answering all questions and it is OK not to know all the answers. No one does.

Calmly share what you do know and admit what you don’t. Give age appropriate information. Remind your child that he or she is brave and that your family is fully equipped to handle this crisis together.

5. Stay connected
Fear and anxiety are widespread, and social distancing separates us from our usual (and vital) support networks.

Globally, parents are having conversations about how to balance the need for abundant precautions with the very real need for connection.

Sadly, social separation can increase your risk for loneliness.

During a crisis, it’s even more critical to stay connected in order to reduce some of the stress that social distancing creates.

Beyond a call or a text, there are other ways to stay connected. Consider allowing younger kids to connect virtually—while supervised—with peers via select social media platforms. Grandparents can experience virtual story time with younger kids. Google Hangouts or Marco Polo is a great way for older kids to video chat with friends while practicing social distancing.

We are now able to access various and unique virtual events. It was neat to see my four-year-old and his peers completing their Jiu Jitsu group training session this week via live streaming.

And, if your kid is into chess, there’s a cool chess app that features virtual matches designed for all levels of chess players.

6. Find purpose in the pause
As parents, our kids take cues from us and depend on us to help them navigate their own strong emotions.

It’s important to guard not only your physical health, but also your mental health. Ward off negative thought spirals by avoiding “what-ifs” and practicing gratitude.

Gratitude supports our immune health and helps to cultivate wellness.

If anxiety starts to creep in, try lying down with your eyes closed and while focusing on your breath, reflect on a list of things for which you are grateful.

With everyone at home, it will be challenging to keep boredom at bay. Leverage the opportunities this major disruption offers.

The lessons learned by serving others is invaluable. One way to serve elderly or high-risk neighbors is by offering assistance with picking up groceries or prescriptions.

Or, focus on creative pursuits—learn a musical instrument, write a blog, or reproduce that complicated thing from Pinterest. Maybe you won’t initially succeed, but fortunately, there’s time to try again.

Finally consider this
We are in a unique time. The uncertainty about what lies ahead can fuel anxiety. We don’t know what is ahead, but remember, we are all in this together. Be patient with yourself. Reach out to others. Stay sound, stay calm, and stay safe. This too shall pass.

Stress and anxiety can exacerbate any pre-existing mental health condition. If you or your children need additional support, consult a doctor or mental health professional. Many therapists are trained to provide telehealth services via video-conferencing.

If you are interested in more resources, please visit https://smartparentadvice.com/both-parents-work/

Managing Fear and Anxiety During a Health Pandemic

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Dr. Chinwé Williams from The Parent Cue

If you’re struggling with how to manage your family’s increasing anxiety about the current public health crisis, you’re not alone.
As information about Coronavirus (COVID-19) continues to unfold, many families are experiencing a wide range of thoughts, feelings, and reactions.

Employers and employees are worried about how the coronavirus will impact businesses and the overall economy.
Parents dread the possibility that students will be asked to stay home from school.
School districts all over the country have already temporarily closed down.
And children are struggling to understand what is going on and how they should feel.
With spring break coming up for many students, it’s likely that some travel plans may need to be altered. Other plans (that feel even more urgent) may simply have to wait.

There may be a lot of ambiguity around many things—at least in the short run. Learning to tolerate the ambiguity of life without getting too stressed out is an important aspect of emotional health. But how do you do that?

The first thing is recognizing the signs that you or your child may be struggling. Common reactions to this public health crisis may include:

Anxiety/excessive fears or worries
Hyper-vigilance or over preoccupation about your health or body
Difficulty concentrating
Feelings of helplessness
Social isolation or withdrawal
Knowing how to handle our kids’ worries (and our own) isn’t easy. Below are a few simple ways of managing anxiety during any number of life disruptions:

1. Get the facts

Anxiety decreases with facts. Stay informed by viewing expert-sourced and established sites such as the CDC (Centers for Disease Control) and WHO (World Health Organization).
From what is reported, only a small percentage of children have been reportedly affected by the virus, but it’s still important to take healthy precautions.

Adopting healthy hygienic habits such as frequent handwashing with soap and water, utilizing alcohol-based hand sanitizer, and covering your mouth and nose with a tissue or sleeve (not your hands) when coughing or sneezing goes a long way.

If traveling is unavoidable, be sure to wipe down headrests, armrests, and tray tables with disinfectant wipes. And as always, be sure to get adequate sleep. Sleep is restorative and helps to strengthen your immune system.

2. Validate your child’s fears

You may not agree with how your child may be expressing him/herself, but avoid dismissing their fears. Instead, encourage the conversation.
If they’re afraid to go to school, validate that. You might say: “I understand that you’re worried. It makes sense that you would be. What else are you feeling?” Share the truth with your child and clear up any misinformation.

Finally, reinforce what they need to do to keep themselves safe and remind them of what the school is doing to keep them safe. Some children may not discuss their fears but could be internalizing their worries.

It’s important to encourage the expression of all emotions and assure your child you are available to listen whenever he or she wants to talk.

3. Limit media coverage

News stories about the spread of the coronavirus are everywhere and often dramatized for effect. Monitor how much media you and your kids are exposed to. Turn off the TV around younger children.
Anxiety tends to spiral with overexposure to scary information or just overconsumption of information. Keep informed, but be sure to take mental breaks.

4. Discuss disruptions

Have a conversation with your family about how to prepare for life disruptions. Many of life’s disruptions are really hard to anticipate or sufficiently plan for, no matter how hard we try.
Help your children to understand the importance of releasing pre-set timetables. Our timelines may get disrupted and that is unavoidable.

While it can be hard to let go of our timelines and work with the one that life is offering, it takes a level of faith to do so. Trust and faith. The storms of life, while challenging, give us opportunities to exercise our faith.

5. Maintain perspective

Keep in mind what and who truly matters in life. Maintain your social connections. Sure, large crowds might feel scary right now so the Disney cruise will need to be rescheduled, but, try not to isolate from all humans.
Maintaining our closest social networks helps to maintain a sense of safety and normalcy. And besides, flexibility, and a great sense of humor (when possible) are great skills to practice as we manage uncertainty and anxiety.

If you or your child is experiencing an overwhelming sense of fear or anxiety causing significant issues in overall functioning, please seek additional professional mental health support.