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Archives for December 2018

Video Blog – Communication Should Be Talked About

Greg Weller · Dec 6, 2018 ·

Even minor irritations can, in time, become major anger flashpoints, if not talked about. 

In this video, Greg & Kathy talk about misunderstandings they’ve had – and how careful communication, in the midst of vulnerability and hurt, diffused tensions.   Communication wasn’t an easy thing to do in the midst of emotional hurt  – but it was worth it.

Because of sickness, the video is a little longer (18 minutes).  Feel free to watch it over a couple of days.

Do you have any stories you’d like to share?  Use the “Contact Us” form below the video to pop it through – it might be very helpful to other couples.

Do you have any comment or questions about the video?  A similar story?  Why not use the form below to send it in – we’re looking forward to posting it here!

All content copyright 2018 Greg Weller


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When Conflict Comes AT You

Greg Weller · Dec 6, 2018 ·

Sometimes we figure we’re going pretty OK in life – at work, or socially.  But then someone seems to confront us for no apparent reason.  And perhaps there’s an adrenalin surge, a moment of bewilderment…  And then we turn and respond almost instinctively.

It’s really useful to identify just how we tend to instinctively react in that situation.  The Australian Institute of Family Counselling (AIFC) quote authors Bruce & Nellie Litchfield as giving five behaviours people use to respond when conflict comes at them.

  1. Competitive Response – “I must win at any cost.” These people take a firm stand.  They know what they want.  They respond with a “I’m right, you’re wrong” mentality – and someone will have to lose.
  2. Compromising Response – Negotiating, trying to find a solution that will at least partially satisfy everyone. Everyone gives up roughly the same amount of ground.
  3. Accommodating Response – These people are willing to meet the needs of others at the expense of their own needs.  They accommodate themselves to other people’s view, are self-sacrificing, and passive.
  4. Avoiding Response – They withdraw and dodge the conflict altogether. They seek to avoid pain and hurt – but often the feelings are repressed, leading to more serious problems later on.
  5. Collaborative Response – These people seek a resolution that tries to respect and hear everyone. Usually they have developed some skills in assertiveness, and acknowledge that everyone (even themselves) are important.

Which one are you most often when there is sudden unexpected conflict?  You may even be a combination of responses.  (Your response may perhaps be different at different times in your life.)

Knowing yourself is really useful when conflict happens in your marriage too. 

Over the next weeks, we’ll practice a weekly routine that will help you learn to deal with communicating your own hurts and pains – and how to respond to your partner’s voiced hurts and pains.

Please be encouraged – we’ll look at proven techniques for communicating. 

When misunderstanding or hurt or conflict happens, please choose to communicate (despite vulnerability, hurt and struggle).

Read “5 Collaborative Response” (above) once again.  Isn’t that a goal worth working towards?

 

Content of inset section is copyright 1992 Bruce & Nellie Litchfield, Litchfield Family Services, Canberra.  Other content copyright 2018 Greg Weller

Date Suggestion

Greg Weller · Dec 6, 2018 ·

From now on, I’ll give a low-cost and a mid-price date.  (After all, we all have seasons in life when we’re flush and when we’re lean.)

Low-cost date:

Take a thermos of coffee, two or three very nice chocolates, and photos of both of you.  Find a great vantage point to watch the sun go down.  Sit there, look and talk over the memories in the photos, and how you both felt before, in, and after the photo was taken.  Pause for a while to watch the sun set.  Then pull out the torch, put on a little soft music on your phone or portable CD player, cuddle up, and get back to those photos.  Enjoy the memories of the cute, cuddly and perfumed moments.

Mid-price date:

Highly recommend is Qi-Lin Chinese restaurant in the Hooper Centre.  They’ve got all the classic main courses, and some very unusual entrees and desserts.  The Fruit Salad spring rolls are quite more-ish!!

And they’ve earned not a few awards over their short time in business!

All content copyright 2018 Greg Weller

How We Met (with Francis and Edith Schaeffer)

Greg Weller · Dec 6, 2018 ·

The Schaeffers were Christian authors and philosophers from the late twentieth century.

The following is reproduced from bulletininserts.org (a great website).  Its rather long, bu t I need to reproduce it in exact form – it is the last article for the current week’s grouping!!

 

A Helper Suitable for Francis Schaeffer

Edith Seville was ready for a fight.  The announced topic for the young people’s meeting in her liberal Presbyterian church was “How I know that Jesus is Not the Son of God, and How I Know that the Bible is not the Word of God.”  The speaker was confident that everyone in the room either agreed with his heretical premise or could be easily persuaded to do so.  Edith, on the other hand, was determined to challenge him.  She listened carefully, mentally preparing what she would say in rebuttal to his remarks.  As far as she knew, she was the only Bible-believing Christian in the room.

Just as the speaker finished and before Edith could get to her feet, someone else stood up.  “My name is Francis Schaeffer,” he said, “and I want to say that I know Jesus is the Son of God, and He is also my Savior.”  As soon as Francis finished describing his personal experience with God, Edith jumped up and added a brief apologetic for the truth of the Bible.  That night, June 26th, 1932, began a pattern that would continue for the next fifty-two years—Francis and Edith would work together, each contributing what the other lacked, to defend the authenticity of the Bible and to model the present reality of the Christian life.

Francis and Edith began dating that very night, and married in 1935.  In the beginning, Edith worked as a seamstress in order to help pay for Francis’ seminary tuition.  Every day he would come home from seminary and share what he was learning with Edith.  This practice, coupled with Edith’s extensive reading, gave her an informal seminary education as Francis earned his degree.  After Francis graduated and became a pastor, Edith participated in his ministry by teaching children’s Bible classes in their home.

Just after World War II, Francis and Edith decided to move to Switzerland to help strengthen the few, isolated churches in Europe who still taught the Gospel.  Francis worked tirelessly in what was called the “Separated Movement,” a group of churches in the U.S. and Europe who left liberal denominational affiliations over the issue of the inerrancy of the Bible.  But after several years in this work, he came to a crisis point.  He noticed that, though these churches clung to correct doctrine, often there was no love or kindness demonstrated in relationships among the members.  People within the movement were quick to turn on each other and divide over doctrinal minutia.  Worse yet, he noticed even in himself a love for theological debate that had less to do with compassion for the lost and more to do with gamesmanship and self-righteousness.

As Edith prayed for him, Francis spent the next few weeks pacing the hayloft over the chalet in which his family was living.  He went all the way back to his agnostic roots and rethought his reasons for believing in God.  He studied Jesus’ words about how believers should live.  In his book True Spirituality, he sums up his conclusions this way:

In the midst of being right, if self is exalted, my fellowship with God can be destroyed.  It is not wrong to be right, but it is wrong to have the wrong attitude in being right, and to forget that my relationship with my fellow man must always be personal. . . .  Christianity is not love in abstraction, but to love the individual who stands before me in a person-to-person relationship.  He must never be faceless to me or I am denying everything I say I believe.

The Schaeffers went on to demonstrate their new focus by ending financial ties to the Separated Movement and beginning a ministry called L’Abri, or “The Shelter.”  Tucked away in a Swiss chalet near a ski resort, the Schaeffers prayed that God would bring the right people to them—ones who needed answers to their questions about God.  They did not solici t for funds or advertise, but trusted God to meet their needs as a demonstration of His power.  People from all over the world began trickling into L’Abri to get “honest answers for honest questions” and to live for a time in the Schaeffers’ home.  Edith was in charge of running the household and overseeing the preparation of nutritious meals.  Often she would teach a visitor something about Christ as they worked alongside each other baking bread or tending the gardens.  Francis met with enquirers individually, led group discussions and preached.

In the meantime, Francis’ books and articles gained a loyal following in the United States and around the world.  He was in demand as a speaker, especially on college campuses, and earned the title “Missionary to the Intellectual.”  Edith was busy writing at this time, too.  While Francis’ books discussed the culture, philosophy and apologetics, Edith’s books centered on the home, prayer, and the history of L’Abri.  Francis said that to understand their ministry and philosophy, one must read both her books and his—they completed each other in print, just as they completed each other in life.

Today, there are seven L’Abri study centers continuing the work begun by Francis and Edith Schaeffer.  More than 20 of their books are still in print, along with many books written about them.  Perhaps an equal legacy is the impact they had in the lives of individuals they encountered one by one, over a cup of tea or a bowl of hearty soup—an impact we can hope to replicate as God brings individuals in need of spiritual shelter into our own sphere of influence.

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  • Video Blog – Communication Should Be Talked About
  • When Conflict Comes AT You
  • Date Suggestion
  • How We Met (with Francis and Edith Schaeffer)
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